YOU'RE KILLING ME EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

*Evil Republican Ad Genius John Brabender, who's helped to elect nutbags from Tricky Ricky Santorum to David Vitter to Abortion Obsessive Tom Coburn to the U-S Senate is producing a series of political drama webisodes called "Moving Numbers."

*It is being shot right here in The Burgh. I have a small role as a left wing candidate running for office. In one of the first webisodes, Gab Bonesso appears as a radio producer (you'll see her in this trailer) and Lynn Cullen has a role as a left wing talk host.

*A little type casting perhaps? This series will eventually end up on the internet at minimum, and on television at maximum. Check out the trailer below if'n yinz feel like it.

Moving Numbers "Game On" - Trailer 2 from Zolitics on Vimeo.

*I will keep yinz posted as to further Moving Numbers developments.

*Yinz can see a second trailer at www.Zolitics.com

*You know we Americans aren't very good at much. Bad reality shows I suppose. But we don't make anything. We can't even manufacture a decent automobile. But one thing I assumed we were still really good at is killing.


*Now Leon Panetta and the gang who couldn't shoot straight at the CIA have disabused me of this notion.

LATIMES.COM:
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-cia16-2009jul16,0,4565759.story
According to current and former U.S. intelligence officials, the CIA spent seven years trying to assemble teams capable of killing the world's most wanted terrorists but could never find a formula that worked.

*My goodness, gracious, me. I suppose I'm thinking of the big kill. Thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians. Your odd Afghan or Pakistani when the drones spin out of control. But the pinpoint, precision, James Bond type of killing, I guess we suck at.

*Maybe we always have and I've been somewhat clueless. No wonder we hired the Mob to kill Castro. And we even screwed that up.

*So in the end we're just a big dumb stumbling, bumbling giant, who can step on tens of thousands of people and kill them instantly, but can never thread the needle.

*What the hell are we still good at? Oh yeah. Dumb reality shows. And arguing over whether Gawd wants you to have five thousand guns in your basement or not.

*I'm willing to wait for health care reform, done right and paid for, but is this "hold the phone" strategy just another stalling tactic on the road to not real reform?

*Public option flies or Obama sucks. Period. Sorry, dude. You set the bar. Now ya gots to jump the hurdle. Or something.

*Tony Norman of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette cracked my ass up this morning with his tale of accidentally going on a right wing nutbag talk show. He probably assumed the talk host was liberal because the host is black.


*PITTSBURGH POST GAZETTE - TONY NORMAN:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09198/984509-153.stm?cmpid=bcpanel1
Mr. Peterson kept asking me to put myself in the shoes of the "poor, white people" and their "chillun" by the pool who had to deal with "bus loads of misbehaving black kids" shipped into their neighborhood from inner-city Philadelphia.

When I told Mr. Peterson that the testimony from those who were actually there, including white club members, was that the day camp kids were polite and orderly, he didn't want to hear it. "You know how those inner city kids are," he said, sounding exactly like Uncle Ruckus. That's when I was convinced I was being "punked."

*Dude, learn to Google. Or maybe ba ba ba Bing!

*Contrary to published bullshit, I do not believe Hillary is being marginalized. At all.

*REUTERS.COM:
http://www.reuters.com/article/politicsNews/idUSTRE56F6XM20090717?feedType=RSS&feedName=politicsNews&rpc=22&sp=true
"I really stay focused on the work that I do. I broke my elbow, not my larynx. I have been deeply involved in the shaping and implementation of our foreign policy," she told reporters.


*In fact I think the time away has done her some good, although the injury sounds PAINFUL. She's looking a little Milfier, no?

*The HBO show "Hung" is growing on me. The well hung high school basketball coach is an asshole. And that's what makes it, for me, believable. Well, as believable as this type of entertaining nonsense can be.

*And you could knock me over with a feather when the Mexican drug lord guy suddenly told Nancy he can't marry her on Weeds.

*Or you could knock me over with a large sock full of horse manure, which would probably be easier.

*Thank you Woody.

*When I was googling the "sock full of horse manure" quote I ran across this hysterical Mad TV parody of a fictional Woody Allen meets Die Hard movie trailer.
A must see for Woody fans and foes alike.


*Now that's comedy.

*Twins, Max. 16 years olds. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?

*You don't really hear lines like that in movies any more. Wonder why?

*Gab Bonesso has a comedy gig tonight at the Garfield Artworks, along with musicians Whisky, Tango, Foxtrot, and other bands. 8pm.

4931 Penn Ave, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15222
Should be a hoot. I'll be there. Will yinz?

*Tomorrow, Saturday night, we've added Pittsburgh filmmaker Chris Ivey to the Pittsburgh Pundits Comedy/Panel discussion show. He'll lend his expertise on Michael Jackson, the hot topic, along with Gab Bonesso, who will make a rare on-the-panel appearance, GOP Mouthy Wench Heather Heidelbaugh, and PG Op-Ed Dude Dan Simpson of your Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
Be there and be Theater Square. They gots drinks and parking and everything.

*So we'll cover MJ, Sarah Palin, and Luv Guvs who can't keep their peckers in their pants.


*Presented by your Pittsburgh Cultural Trust, so you know it's classy-assy.

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

"SUCK IT" REPUBLICANS EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

Didja ever notice (said in whiny Andy Rooney voice) how Republicans don't give a rat's ass about bipartisanship when THEY'RE in control?

I see them whining about health care. They've been shills for the insurance industry, not to mention every other industry, for generations.

We don't trust them. No plan will be perfect. But we need something NOW.

They don't want to tax the rich. "Since when do we punish people for success?," they ask.

Since we started making people with higher incomes pay more taxes decades ago. We're not punishing them per se. We're asking them to bear more of the burden.

It's time to shove a health care reform plan down the throats of the GOP, which is concerned about nothing more than creating some phony issue to return to power.

They were in complete control and didn't do jack squat about health care. It's our turn. Elections have consequences. You don't like it? Let me borrow from these crazy kids of today who like to put things succinctly.
Suck it Republicans.

You greedy, business loving, Argentine whore screwing, unprincipled, megalomaniacal maroons.

You had your chance. You blew it. You screwed the pooch and everyone knows that you suck at governing.

There is no way to fix the health care system without some pain, no pun intended.
Somebody's going to have to pay for it.

Democrats know this. Republicans are in denial. And they do not care whether you have health care or not.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jlMpJGn28kqCcgU-aGcYE_ZHW-ywD99EUNDG3
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Senate health committee cast a milestone vote Wednesday to approve legislation expanding insurance coverage to nearly all Americans, becoming the first congressional panel to act on President Barack Obama's top domestic priority.

The 13-10 party line vote advanced a $600 billion measure that would require individuals to get health insurance and employers to contribute to the cost. The government would provide financial assistance with premiums for individuals and families making up to four times the federal poverty level, or about $88,000 for a family of four. The health committee legislation is but one piece of broader Senate legislation that's still under development.

The House wants to tax the rich. It's unclear, at least to me, exactly how the Senate wants to pay for this.

Barack Hussein Obama needs to roll up his sleeves and rub his nose in the muck and the myre, or I'm not John Muck'n Myre.

Let's get this done before the summer is over! Enough pussyfooting.

This is partisan. It's important. It's screwing millions of our citizens. Republicans don't care. Democrats may or may not care. They may be pandering. But they know the problem is real and cannot be ignored.

We won. You lost. Deal with it.
As the kids are prone to say, "suck it."


UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY CLIPS AT:
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

ODDS AND ENDS EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

Quick hits for a Monday.

*MAC-YIPPER PETE:
hey johnny-mac----

what a shocker------old man cheney was concealing a ''nobody know's nothing" program for 8 years---------no wonder he needs extended secret service protection-------and pixburg's own gen hayden is still lying for him!

pete napoli

*Always a Pikksburgh connection!

*I puke every time a right wing nutbag says conservative justices operate strictly by the "rule of law" but liberals are suspect.

*Both sides see the world and the law through their ideological lense and it totally affects everything they do.

*How obvious is that with all these 5/4 rulings on ideological lines?

*Why do we continue to pretend that human beings are capable of robot-like neutrality? It's absolute bullshit.

*I didn't know they can't pull you over in PA for not wearing a seatbelt unless you're driving crazy or something. Until today. This has been another "I just learned something I didn't know before" update. We now return you to our regularly scheduled babbling.

*Sarah Palin's in the cover of Time. We're all whores on this bus.

*I'm torn between Obama concentrating on the critical here and now, and exposing the evil Cheney-Bushes of the world for the disgrace to American ideals that they are.


*It's a tough call. But it looks like Holder's going to look into torture whether Barack wants to roll with it or not.

*Health care MUST retain a public option! Anything short of that is a total wimpout by the Dems.

*These blue dog Dems are getting on my nerves. Republican lite is NOT what we need to move the country forward.

*POST-GAZETTE.COM:

http://post-gazette.com/pg/09194/983538-454.stm#ixzz0L8ox9SO2&C
*Locally, U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan has been accused of bringing a number of high-profile cases both to make a name for herself and for political motives since they often involved Democrats.

*The evil wench is guilty as charged.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09194/983537-454.stm
HUNTINGDON VALLEY, Pa. -- State officials will investigate accusations of racial discrimination against a suburban Philadelphia swim club that allegedly reacted to a visiting group of minority children by asking them not to return and pulling other kids out of the water.

Members of the private club -- accused of racism after it canceled the memberships of dozens of minority children -- said yesterday it will seek a meeting to work out an agreement for the children to return.

*Lying, thieving, disingenuous douchebags got caught with their racist hands in the KKK cookie jar, and are now forced to eat their words and pretend they're not racist a-holes.

*Justice is rare. MacYapper smiles when a-holes get nailed to the wall.

*I'll miss driving while texting after the PA legislature kills it.
But then, I'm a multi-tasker. Most people are not. It needs to be outlawed.

*Don't you just hate when you don't get to do stuff because others aren't quite up to snuff?


http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-upt1.htm
*The first meaning of up to snuff was somebody who was sharp, not easily fooled. This may have come from the idea of snuff being itself a sharp preparation, but perhaps because it was mainly taken by men of adult years and some affluence (it was expensive) who would be able to appreciate the quality of snuff and distinguish between examples of different value.

*Is this edition of MacYapper up to snuff?

*Don't answer that.

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

GUITAR HERO EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

I hate airlines. Don't you?
They don't care about you and their consistent disdain for your existence is beyond irritating.

So here's this musician, Dave Carroll, who sees ruffian baggage handlers destroying his instrument through the airplane window. Sure enough, they cause enormous damage to a fine, expensive guitar. Sure enough, when he tries to collect they put up 50 brick walls. So he writes a song to embarrass them. Sure enough, these assholes suddenly wake up and become swell folks, because Dave embarrassed the shit out of them. Here's the tune. God bless consumers like Dave Carroll. May God smite the assholes at United, and everyone like them at all the other asshole airlines.



A detailed version of Dave's nightmare available at his website below:

http://www.davecarrollmusic.com/story/united-breaks-guitars/

RIPPING M-J A NEW ONE... JESUS! (JUICE!)

As I've been reporting MacYippers, I have been obsessing on the pedophilia allegations while 99 % of my friends worship the ground MJ's buried under.

Phrases like "tortured genius" are bandied about with wild abandon.
Which mike make a good name for a band.
"From Los Angeles, California, please welcome, WILD ABANDON!!!"
(Crowd goes wild... with abandon).

But now a columnist is hitting the King of Poop where he lives.
Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez says genius, schmenius.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - ALISA VALDES-RODRIQUEZ:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09191/982862-109.stm
Mr. Jackson, whose vocal range was limited and who sang often insipid pop songs that rarely ventured outside of a basic pentatonic scale, was no musical genius. Cannonball Adderley was a musical genius. John Coltrane was a musical genius. Charles Ives was a musical genius. J.S. Bach was a musical genius. Hector Berlioz was a musical genius. These were human beings gifted with uncommon musical understanding, interpretation and expression.

To compare Michael Jackson's twitchy, strange pop singing to the accomplishments of people such as Pyotr Tchaikovsky or Charlie Parker is downright insulting; it is rather like saying the guy who designed the Tilt-a-Whirl is on par as an architect with I.M. Pei.

OOOUUUCCCHHHH!!!! Now mind you the author clearly has a bias against Pop.
"Insipid" Pop songs? I've been critical of MJ hero worship, but I loved many of the tunes. However, the overblown blow job of MJ has gotten out of hand.
And this bitch takes the hand, with the glove, and slaps Jacko silly.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - ALISA VALDES-RODRIQUEZ
If Mr. Jackson is a musical genius, one realizes, it is not such a great leap to imagine Sarah Palin as presidential material, Lauren Weisberger as a great author or Lou Dobbs as a substitute for real reporting and news. We are told Michael Jackson is the King of Pop, when in reality he is the Clown Monarch of Mediocrity.

Whooa! Snap! (As the kids day... these young whipper snappers... and of course, MJ enjoyed snapping their whippers).

Comparing the King of Pop with the Queen of Pap?

Thems are some low blows Uncle Joe.

But here's the kicker. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and every faux civil rights leader/publicity hound under the sun couldn't wait to declare MJ Martin Luther Queen... a beacon of civil rights and a proud and shiny example of African-American success.

The columnist begs to differ.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - ALISA VALDES-RODRIQUEZ
First, Mr. Jackson was hardly the first black person to find popularity in American pop music. Louis Armstrong, Cab Calloway, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Charlie Parker, Fats Domino, Coleman Hawkins, Miles Davis -- the list of those who came before is seemingly endless to anyone whose sense of U.S. musical history goes back further than the 1970s.

Second, Mr. Jackson worked very hard not to be black. He hated being black. His self-hatred was deep and public. To somehow now consider him as being some sort of racial trailblazer is ridiculous and incomprehensible; it also shows that people see what they need to see, rather than what is there.

If Mr. Jackson sought to break down racial barriers, it was only to have surgery to make himself white. When it came time for children, he found a sperm donor who was white, because he knew that no matter how much surgery he had, his DNA would still make black babies. Both his marriages were to white women.

Mr. Jackson's dancing, so often heralded as brilliant, was not so. He was an unusual dancer, yes. But not a brilliant one. A brilliant dancer is someone like Mikhail Baryshnikov, Alvin Ailey or Gregory Hines. Mr. Jackson was a weird dancer, and a good dancer, but he simply wasn't great.


OOOH! OUTCH! BAM! BOOM!
So MJ was the black inspiration who was desperate to "convert" to Whitey?

I must differ with the columnist on one point. Fred Astaire said MJ could dance... and he knew a thing or two about tripping the light fantastic.

Although it seems MJ was more light in the fantastic loafers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So, that is our MJ CONTRARIAN OPINION OF THE DAY.

It's the summer. And we must beat these meaningless themes to death. Because that's what you do.

Beat it. Just beat it.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY CLIPS AT:
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' OF LEGAL POT EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

You may have heard there's an actual movement in CA to legalize pot.
Should have been done long ago, of course.
The excuse? Got no money. Can't pay teachers, firefighters, cops, other important folks. Taxed to death on traditional sources.
They've even found a relatively normal looking person to front the ad. Good move.

http://www.sdnn.com/sandiego/2009-07-08/lifestyle/pro-legalizing-marijuana-ad-to-air-wednesday-but-local-pollster-finds-it%E2%80%99s-a-gateway-drug
But, Gayle Francis, founder of KeepComingBack.com, said legalizing marijuana shouldn’t be considered because it’s a gateway drug. An April poll, conducted by Competitive Edge Research (with questions drafted by National University System Institute of Policy Research) and commissioned by KeepComingBack.com — a drug addiction recovery organization — found that marijuana use will lead to use or harder drugs in the future.

“Marijuana is the gateway drug,” said Francis. “There is a clear correlation between marijuana problems, meth problems and cocaine problems. If you’re under 18, you’re at risk.”


Jesus H. Kar-iste. Here we go again with the same old arguments. Every drug is a gateway drug. Nicotine is a gateway drug. Caffeine is a gateway drug.
You wanna know the worst gateway drug? The evil demon Alcy-Hol!

Yet they're legal. Yet, we tax them. And another thing... it's already available. Even if it is a gateway drug, the kids are opening the damn gate anyway. And we don't get any money out of it!

When I was googling for the CA ad I found this excellent ad advocating legalization in Canada.



So, let's state the obvious. One of the few things I'm good at.

Who thinks we should legalize pot?
Everyone with a brain.

Why can't we?
Most Americans don't have a brain.

Why do they fear it so?
It's been ridiculously demonized over the years by freaks who have somehow concluded alcohol is more normal and less threatening, which is bullshit.

Why don't politicians advocate legalization more forcefully?
Because they know most Americans are idiots and they want to stay in office.

Why don't other public figures take up the fight?
Because they know Americans are idiots and they don't want to taint their image with some sort of Cheech and Chong stench... if you will.

What will change this?
Idiots dying. New people having a clue.

How long will this take?
Forever and a day.
This is America.

UPCOMING COMEDY SHOWS AND COMEDY CLIPS AT:
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

ONE POSITIVE MJ BLOG EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

OK I trashed him yesterday.
But this is Amurica.
Michael Mania requires I do one positive thing.
So here's my favorite MJ song.
Now get off my back MJ FANATICS!




Something resembling actual blogging returns tomorrow.

BTW, this is before, you know, he started... you know...

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email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

BEAT IT, JUST BEAT IT - SO LONG MIKEY EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

I enjoy being the contrarian. But sometimes it's no fun to take shit from your friends.

I took shit for being for Obama rather than Hillary. I knew he could win.
On that, I feel vindicated. We'll see whether he's all that and a bag of baked lays or not.

When MJ died, I immediately went into contrarian mode. Today's Elvis? Shmelvis.

Elvis was a porked out drug addict. Didn't molest kids.

Yes, I'm one of those weirdos who still can't get past MJ's pedophilia.

I know he beat one rap in court. I also know he paid $25 million to settle another. Those people must have had the goods. The fact that he didn't settle in the case in which he beat the rap, proves he didn't just pay the $25 mil to get the story out of the papers.

But NYT columnist Bob Herbert has summed it up nicely.


NYT - BOB HERBERT:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/04/opinion/04herbert.html?_r=1
Reality is unforgiving. There is no escape. Behind the Jackson facade was the horror of child abuse. Court records and reams of well-documented media accounts contain a stream of serious allegations of child sex abuse and other inappropriate behavior with very young boys. Jackson, a multimillionaire megastar, was excused as an eccentric. Small children were delivered into his company, to spend the night in his bed, often by their parents.

One case of alleged pedophilia against Jackson, the details of which would make your hair stand on end, was settled for a reported $25 million. He beat another case in court.

The Michael-mania that has erupted since Jackson’s death — not just an appreciation of his music, but a giddy celebration of his life — is yet another spasm of the culture opting for fantasy over reality. We don’t want to look under the rock that was Jackson’s real life.

As with so many other things, we don’t want to know.

Bingo.

I understand denial. I have defended Woody Allen and Roman Polanski.
Especially with Woody, I admire his work to the point where I'd prefer not to believe the more unseemly aspects of his personal life.

He, too, beat a child molestation rap in court.

But it was the only accusation against him, and it came from an understandably furious ex who was a little flipped out by the Wood-man sleeping with her adopted daughter.

Unseemly behavior to say the least. But not criminal.

So arguably I approach this somewhat hypocritically.

Or maybe I'm just Mr. Contrarian.

America is a strange country. If we fall in love with somebody's art, we don't want to believe they're bad people.

Al Sharpton was completely full of shit the other day when he claimed MJ wasn't getting the respect that Elvis was. There were multiple stories about what a bloated bean bag the King of Rock N' Roll had become.

Even though the cable non-stop coverage is gross, I understand it. If I was king of cable, I'd do the same. You need ratings, and this freak show will produce it.

Enjoy your MJ coverage. We're all in some sort of state of denial over something I suppose.

And I understand that intense superstardom young combined with abuse by his father produced one freaky-ass freak. I understand that it's not all his fault he evolved into the all-time show business weirdo, and THAT is saying something.

I just can't get past it.
But that's just me.

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! DENIAL IS NOT JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT!
IT'S AN AMERICAN TRADITION!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net